"God is the Friend of Silence"

“We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass- grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence... We need silence to be able to touch souls.” - Mother Teresa

I grew up in a very loving home with a caring sister and awesome parents. My dad is a pastor, so I was raised in the church. I always had a strong anxiety about God, my faith, sin, heaven, hell, etc. I wasn't sure what it all was about, but I knew one thing for sure. I didn't want to think about it!

So I spent most of my childhood and some of my teenage years filling the gap. Wherever I was, I couldn't stand to be in silence. I went to bed with the radio on. And I would have an empty feeling in my gut whenever I was alone. God was chasing me. His Holy Spirit was always there to remind me that I hadn't surrendered my life to God.

When I was 13-years-old, I moved to Atlanta from Tampa because of my dad's job. I felt like God had stripped everything from my life, giving me nothing left.

No friends.  No comfort.  No security... no noise.

But I wouldn't give in. I started hanging out with the wrong crowd. It was better than being alone. I was reaching for anything to fill the gap. To fill the silence. 

One night when I was mentally wrestling with God, I told Him, “Okay, whatever song comes on the radio next will be the one that sums up my relationship with You.” In a one in a million chance the lyrics could even apply, Eric Clapton’s, "If you don't know me by now, you will never ever ever know me," pierced my ears as the sound waves flooded out of the speaker. These lyrics spoke to my heart. God had revealed himself to me. I just didn't want to acknowledge Him as Lord and Savior in my life.

Hebrews 3:15 “As has just been said: "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion."

I didn't surrender my life to God that day. But I did when a friend died in a car accident when I was 16-years-old. My world was rocked. I knew I couldn't allow my doubts, my fears, and a lack of control keep me from spending eternity in heaven with my Creator.

I couldn't sleep in silence until I was 16-years-old. 

Thank you Jesus. For healing my broken heart. For chasing me. For drawing me close to you. For being patient with me. I exalt thee.

Psalm 46:10 “He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”