Sword.

     Hey, you got away so quickly the other night that I didn't even catch your name. Have you seen my sword? It was in my purse that you took.

I got that sword from the church I attended as a child. They do this class where all the kids come in and learn about Jesus and get this book that has his stories in it. I really didn't know how to use it, nor did I really care to find out. But I still held onto it.

In middle school, I kept being drawn back to the book but I wasn't sure why. Whenever I was in a hard place in life I would sometimes open it just to see if something magical would happen, but it all just seemed like a bunch of words to me.

In high school, I began reading it to come to a better understanding of what it said. A lot of the time I would read about giving my life to Jesus and I certainly was not interested in signing up for an old persons club that seemed to have a pretty costly initiation fee. Besides there are a lot of other clubs to join in high school and i didn't know many 'cool' kids that did the bible thing.

But during my junior year of high school, something terrible happened. A close friend of mine died in car accident and I found myself to be hopeless. I remembered this old book talking about life after death and all the sudden was interested in hearing more. This day, my view of the book changed. It wasn't just random words, it presented me with answers to questions I had never asked before.

Why am I here?
What happens when I die?
What is my purpose?
Why is there pain and evil in the world?

I submitted myself to this old book, without signing my name in blood. I knew if I wanted to back out I still could call all of it rubbish. But I found myself changing as a result of this submission. I started to see people and circumstances differently. This little book was where I found my daily bread. Nearly every morning I would open it to see what I could find - knowing it would change my perspective.

In college, I found less and less time to read the old book. I still took it everywhere with me, just in case I needed it. However, it seemed to be less and less of a priority. Summer after junior year I decided to go on a trip to Italy with a local sports organization and they really brought me back to reading it. I learned so much more about the heart of the book and realized that I was ready to sign my name in blood and answer the call to take up my cross and follow this Jesus guy.

That summer I made a power point of a vision plan for the next 10 years. I knew my heart was in the inner city and that I wanted to reach out to youth through sports. More importantly, this book became my sword. I learned to win the battles of mind by hearing truth of what my creator's thoughts about me were. I learned that my deep rooted anxiety was a result of not trusting the Lord. I began to memorize scriptures that affirmed me of my purpose on this earth.

Most recently, the book has helped me to fear no one but God. Sometimes I get carried away with the worries of the world and get nervous about the what-ifs in life but the book says that I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

This book was my sword. It is more powerful than anything else in the world. The words on that page are alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword - it divides soul and spirit!

I never thought I would lose that book. I wanted it to walk through the rest of my life with me but God had other plans. He wanted you to have it. He wants you to know Him. 

I'm not gonna lie - I felt a little lost this morning without my sword. I have had it for years and years. But don't worry, they have others in print - so i'll be fine. But I wanted to make sure you knew what that sword did for me. The gun you used was very scary to me and it gave you the power to do some very hurtful thing's. But the sword you left with that night has so much more power. Power to give you freedom, forgiveness, wholeness, and purpose, which neither life nor death can separate you from.

"Take up the sword of the spirit, which is the Word of God." Ephesians 6:17

The Promise

Last night I was at a Braves game with friends and I began reflecting on my work with FCA and the weight I have been feeling on my shoulders to do the ministry. I had this overwhelming feeling of defeat and hopelessness. I have never felt this before and it was very scary and despairing. I remember this same feeling when I ran prior to breaking that stronghold of negative thinking while running. Some of you may know my story, but I would not be able to continue running due to the mental block I had. Until recent, that is! When the Lord asked me to trust Him while running and I have been running ever since. Anywho, that was the similar feeling I had last night about ministry. I knew it was not of the Lord, because He is able! And I have a clear calling to be doing what I am doing. I texted a few people to pray for me and they encouraged me to not believe the lie.

This morning I was reading in Romans: "Against hope Abraham believed in hope with the result that he became the father of many nations according to the pronouncement, “so will your descendants be.” 4:19 Without being weak in faith, he considered his own body as dead (because he was about one hundred years old) and the deadness of Sarah’s womb. 4:20 He did not waver in unbelief about the promise of God but was strengthened in faith, giving glory to God. 4:21 He was fully convinced that what God promised he was also able to do."

When I think about what the Lord has called me to do, it is so easy to feel defeated. There is only one of me and there is so much evil that these kids are surrounded by. But I know the one who has called me, will do it! He is faithful.

I am fully convinced that what God promised he is also able to do.